I started journaling with intention, near the end of my freshman year of high school( March- April 2022). And every since I started writing my thoughts and feelings down on paper, my mind has been a constant stream of poignant phrases, confessions, and self reflections. Unfortunately, because of nuisances like hand cramps and my ability to lose any and all personal items, journaling proved difficult to practice consistently, which sucks because during that summer my mind was the clearest it’s ever been. At least since before I got a cellphone(Coincidence?)
I quickly realized that letting my stream of consciousness unfold onto my journal pages was an extremely cathartic and rewarding pastime. Presence came so easily when the after-effect of thoroughly processing my life lingered throughout me. And as I inevitably fell out of that habit it was hard to ignore the mental fog and conscious overthinking that enveloped me. One of my least and simultaneously most favorite feelings is discomfort. Let me explain; I appreciate the feeling when I know it will lead to growth, and conversely despise it when the reason for my discomfort is something unnecessary that could be avoided if I decided to be proactive.
So since my “journey of self-reflection” dwindled I’ve been living with a brain that’s in a state of perpetual murkiness, and I feel as if I’ve barely processed the very high highs and very low low’s in my life. My life became suppressed by searching for the aesthetically pleasing which I could post and prove to others on social media that I was in fact living a real life. I micro analyze and hype fixate on trends, styles, and presentations as if spending time with them online will result in my life embodying them. And it’s exhausting. After experiencing the clear headed potential I had I’ve been yearning to get back to it.
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Enter: Substack. I’ve been reading tons of pages on here for a while, and now I’m going to put my words here! I plan to (CONSISTENTLY) continue with self reflection, explore my story ideas, comment on art I engage with and so much more. If anything I hope to leave readers with the notion that categorizing yourself into a box will not satisfy your desire for a deeper knowing of yourself. Your unique thoughts and interests are yours and they craft the lens through which you see the world and we need that! We need everyone’s personal angle to encourage empathy (My trigger word as you’ll come to know) and a better chance at treating ourselves and each other better.
Dw I wont be melodramatic and existential all of the time, ill share more chill stuff too :)
I hope you enjoy reading my page!